Pure Chewing Satisfaction

Other album releases and lyrics by Lard can be seen here.

  1. War Pimp Renaissance
  2. I Want To Be A Drug Sniffing Dog
  3. Moths
  4. Generation Execute
  5. Faith Hope and Treachery
  6. Feeling Back The Foreskin of Liberty
  7. Mangoat
  8. Sidewinder


War Pimp Renaissance

     Yippee Tai-Yai-Yai-Yai Yo!
     Evil Commie empire's gone
     Yippee Tai-Yai-Yai-Yai Yay!
     Now we're the only one

     Let there be peace on earth
     What ever gave you that idea
     Economy depends on guns
     We'll have an arms race with ourselves

     Forward to the caves!

     General who's never been to war
     Is like a rapist who's never been laid
     Like shootin' fish in a barrel
     Inner child must be fed

     Deep-fry a quarter million ragheads
     Into crispy Eagle Snacks
     Pure chewing satisfaction
     Pure chewing satisfaction

     (Question ain't, "Who killed JFK?"
     But, where are they now?...)
     Who's a-gonna buy our missiles?
     Who's a-gonna buy our guns?
     Everyone on the whole damned planet
     We'll throw in free land mines

     Starve the Russians 'til a nut takes over
     Put the Arms Race back on boil
     As the world's population's exploding
     Wars for water, not oil

     Too damn many people already
     Clutter land we could use for golf
     Egg 'em on to bloodbaths like Rwanda
     Help 'em eat each other alive

     Praise God
     We bropught the rapture on
     Hey, wait for me...

I Wanna Be A Drug Sniffing Dog

     I wanna be a drug-sniffing dog
     So I can snort coke all day long
     Bite my master when it suits me
     Get off on diminished capacity

     I wanna be a customs man
     Snoop through your stuff cos I can
     Sneaky-peaky pry through your private lives
     Stroke your panties jackin' off at lunch

     Weh-Oh, Weh-Oh-Ho!
     Sure beats Alpo

     It's the life
     It's the stink
     It's the attitude

     I wanna be a San Francisco cop
     So I can speed and run red lights
     And sure as Rodney was a King
     We got ways to make you sing

     We can seize everything
     Houses, cars, and life savings
     Keep the loot for ourselves
     Fake drug charge works every time

     I wanna join the Christian Coalition
     So I can molest my children
     None suspect me cos I've been saved
     Til my stepdaughter drowns her kids in a lake

     Weh-Oh!, Weh-Oh-Ho! Spare rod
     Spoil the child

     It's the life
     It's the stink
     Choose your masks


     Spiral down the path
     Of least resistance
     Down a chute to a bed of nails
     That becomes a trampoline

     Bouncing lost souls
     From extreme to extreme
     Emperor Ludwig is with us
     So is Doctor T

     Technicolor stairs & spires
     Fantasia trips and wires
     5,000 happy fingers
     Ready to play our song

     Vortex recedes
     All I hear and see
     Echoes of my face and fears
     In a chamber of one-way mirrors

     Voices from the drain
     Whisper like machines
     Now that you're in our dimension
     You'll never leave

     Ahh... treasure gleams
     To leash and harvest thee

     Down, down to Bermuda Triangle
     Sink, sink 10,000 feet below
     Time to finally meet the zookeepers
     We let swallow us whole

     Light any flame
     They fly right in

     Deep in Chinatown
     In New York City
     Drop a coin into a cage
     Chickens dance on a hot plate

     Hot foot round & round
     Til the wheel runs down
     That's you as we view
     Through our ceiling of glass

     Al Jolson style
     Please, please
     Can I get a raise?

     Crawl, crawl through the steaming jungle
     Please, please more purple Kool Aid
     Tabloid beauty corpses point the way
     We're not in Kansas any more

Generation Execute

     I went to Blockhead Video
     To rent a tape of people makin' love
     Couldn't find no love in here
     "It's a family store, see here!"

     Settled for "Faces Of Death"
     But they'd rented it to some kid
     I'm tired of the same old gore
     Kick Butt Cable Network gives me more

     All day
     All night
     Broadcast live


     Bring the pretzels, bring the kids
     Have a party, have a beer
     Phil Donahue got his wish
     Executions on live TV

     Here's your host, Kozy Kinkwicket!
     What's your name?... You're 14?
     And what are you being put to death for today?
     Is your family here?

     What was your last meal?
     Any last words for the fans?
     Longer you cling to life-
     More prizes for your friends


     What's it gonna be, Old Sparky?
     More points for the firing squad
     Grand prize, step inside
     The Hundred Thousand Dollar Gas Chamber

     Answer one question:
     How do we teach, 'Thou Shalt Not Kill'?
     The gas is rising
     There goes the bell

     Five minutes...
     Six minutes...
     Ladies and gentlemen,
     He's swallowed his tongue!

     Vanna applauds

Faith, Hope and Treachery

     Disconnected, dysfunctional
     Soulmates with nobody else
     Sing a song for the New Ice Age
     Greed has made us lonely

     Faith, Hope and Treachery
     Faith, Hope and Treachery
     Faith, Hope and Treachery
     Faith, Hope and Treachery

     Children of the 80's
     Values shaped by Reagan greed
     Don't stick long with anything
     Going gets tough, change the channel and flee


     Everyone's scared of everyone else
     'Specially who they love the most
     No kind act goes unpunished
     Show you care just shows you're weak

     So take 'em all for what they're worth
     Otherwise they'll get you first
     #1 must be preserved
     Friends aren't for keeps, they're for dessert

     And Shout

     Faith, Hope and Treachery
     Faith, Hope and Treachery
     Faith, Hope and Treachery
     Faith, Hope and Treachery

     Years go by, get sick of games
     Warmth gets repressed just like hate
     Reagen children flunk out at love
     It's always someone else's fault

     It's always someone else's fault
     It's always someone else's fault
     It's always someone else's fault
     Faith, Hope and Treachery

Feeling Back the Foreskin of Liberty

     God's sounded the alarm
     Dare not push the snooze button
     Your favourite metalhead and mine
     Child-molesting freak

     Used Seven Seals to scare his flock
     So he could sin
     Defiled young girls beneath
     Posters of Megadeth
     But then...

     They tried to take his guns
     They tried to take his guns
     Coulda grabbed him when he's out jogging
     Or scamming chicks in bars

     But oh no
     They brought S.W.A.T. teams and tanks
     Waco's a sign
     One-World Government

     Peeling back the foreskin of Liberty
     What do we see?
     Ain't God fillin' teeth
     It's Jews and Hillary

     Communist Chinese
     Grind up orphan babies
     To sell in powder form
     At New Age health food stores

     They're trying to take our guns
     They're trying to take our guns
     They treated Randy Weaver
     Like a two-bit pot dealer

     Shot up his Little House on the Prairie
     At Ruby Ridge
     S.W.A.T. teams shoot potheads all the time
     But he was a Nazi, dammit

     Live Free or Die
     Live Free or Die
     That's what I say

     What's that noise?
     It's those helicopters again
     See 'em in the sky, they're always black
     What does that tell you, huh?

     U.N. troops wait in salt mines
     Under Detroit of all places
     To storm up from the sewers
     For door-to-door raids

     To take our guns
     They're trying to take our guns
     Feminazis and eco-terrorists
     I'm not making this up

     I got my back yard bunker
     Machine guns and grenades
     To protect myself from you
     Trying to take them away

     Live Free or Die
     Live Free or Die
     Live Free or Die
     Live Free or Die

     Tear down those highway signs
     So the U.N. can't find me
     White Shangri-La of Post Falls, Idaho
     Will now secede

     We'll show them
     We'll show them
     Damn right it's the End Of Times
     When Christians win!

     Live Free or Die
     Live Free or Die
     Live Free or Die
     Live Free or Die


     Lotta good that P.H.D. did me
     Stuck... grocery store security
     Cigar store Indian
     Fake badge authority
     Nothing ever happens here

     Camera, aisle 5
     Dude with hair sprayed on
     Pocketing razors
     Pantyhose... why not?
     Can opener and creme corn - what?!?!

     Too hairy
     Must shave
     And warn others

     No foam
     All alone
     Gorilla hair
     Must go

     Creme corn
     Creme corn

     Poor Kaw-liga
     Never got his kiss
     No one-way mirrors
     To lurk behind as you undress

     He's headed for the back
     Singing, "The hills are alive...
     With the sound of music-"
     Lady screams

     In my stall
     Make him stop
     He'll shave us all

     Hair off his back
     Round the room it flies
     Inquiring minds
     Wanna know why

     Creme Corn
     Creme Corn

     Come out of that bathroom
     We have you surrounded

     Clean up your hairy mess
     Give up that frothy chew toy
     You're under arrest

     Come out with cloven hooves
     Above your mossy head
     Bite one more officer
     You'll trade that rag for lead

     Creme Corn
     Creme Corn
     Creme Corn
     Creme Corn


     Snake on a dune
     Sand so moist and cool
     Crawls up to a ledge
     To survey the valley below

     Slither into town
     In the velvet Elvis night
     Spiralling remains
     Of a garden of delights

     The builders are all gone
     Their monuments remain
     Outlasted by what they once controlled
     How on earth is this explained

     What's left behind

     Can't burrow a home down here
     Old asphalt lies below
     Goodbyes from the dead play on
     Half-curied video gravestones

     Cracked patches of neon
     Flickers as the wind blows
     What kind of drugs were these creatures on
     To want so much it ate them whole

     Aversion to detergent
     Always naturally clean
     Sleep all day, crush mice by night
     More civilized if you ask me

     What's left behind

     Wake up in the bushes
     Brush the crust out of my eyes
     Fluff the dirt out of my hair
     As the bright sun's beatin' down

     Time to hit the road
     Time to find the rain
     Away from the cage where the light bulbs
     Hitch a ride to another plain

     What's left behind

Page Last Edited on 2004-10-31 21:57:34 UTC CST (41105)