Other album releases and lyrics by Lard can be seen here.


     You can see it
     In the clouds up in the sky

     Floats by in clusters
     In our water supply

     It's all of us, man
     In our pores and in our hair

     What we conceal
     With these corny clothes we wear

     Lard is all
     Lard is divine
     Lard is control
     Lard whips and chains our soul

     Lard-We carry credit cards
     Lard-We live in fear of art

     Lard is the -OM
     Lard is revolution
     Lard is the tapeworm
     In the bottle of cheap tequila
     That comes alive at night
     And sneaks up
     And bites your nipple


     Nowadays, most of us need someone
     To run our personal life
     Someone to see that
     The plants are watered,
     Someone to make sure the place is clean,
     Someone to make sure dinner is waiting,
     Someone to call for theatre tickets,
     Someone to make up those cheap excuses

     What we need is...

     Lard-The answer
     Lard-The dancer
     Lard-The ointment
     Lard-The dream
     Absorb it
     Inflame it
     Respect it
     Molest it
     The country right now just wants to be
     Soothed, and told it doesn't have to pay or
     Sacrifice or learn
     No one is over the hill
     When the mountain comes to Mohammed


     Lard-We love to eat
     Lard-We love to pray
     Lard-Mold over mind

     Every time I take a crap
     It's a cosmic experience

     Religion and chemicals
     Are the key to the future

     Next time we have sex
     Just pretend I'm Ed Meese

     The weasels have it down, man
     It's a whole new age


     Which would you prefer-
     A computer or a gun?

     The sharks out lived the dinosaurs, you know

     Pity the poor trainer
     In the stable when the race horse farts

     Poison oak really is
     The aphrodisiac of the Gods

     When people are asleep
     We must all become alarm clocks

     Hey, man
     Life is my college

     It's Dental Floss of the mind
     Who will babysit the babysitters?

     Ever hear about that guy in New York whose dick
     Fell off in the bath after he shot it full of coke?

     It's OK to run out of butter in Zambia
     Just smear squashed caterpillars on your toast

     Waiter, there's a terrorist in my soup
     Which came first- Max Headroom or Gerald Ford?

     Are you a man or are you a mouse?
     If you love your fun- Die for it!

     And feel
     The Power of Lard
     The Power of Lard
     The Power of Lard
     The Power of Lard

     Avoid everything, etc...


     You never know
     When it says you gotta go


     To them cheap motels down in Baton Rouge


     Roll down the window of the limousine


     I'll pay you fifteen bucks if you perform for me(No more)


     I ain't givin' you one penny more
     Gotta buy another TV station for the Lord


     Can you imagine what it's like
     To have to flash and pose


     While a fat preacher
     Sits and beats off in front of you...


     Same one who's so obsessed with
     With anti-smut crusades (fancy that)


     Oh Lord,
     Someone let the air out of my tires


     I'm stuck-with my pants down
     Red handed in sin
     But with money like mine
     The Lord always forgives- me

     When I'm dictator
     You will ALL
     Be under the iron thumb of Jeezus
     The law of the land
     Executions for witchcraft
     Televised live at five

     All Rock and Roll is pornography
     That mixed coed swimming-PHOOEY!
     I tell ya
     It promotes problems of the flesh
     Problems of the flesh
     The flesh
     The flesh
     The flesh
     I can't stand it anymore
     My fundamentalist army's
     Crackin' down full swirl


     Polyester suit nazis
     Will control the world


     If you think Khomeini
     Is a step back in time


     Just wait til I decide
     What you read and who dies


     You think we're finished
     Boy, you must be queer
     We get a little stronger
     Every year
     When I bilk your money
     I'm moral, man
     But I got a little problem
     I just can't say no
     To that Hellfudge

     So take off them clothes
     Slowly now, slowly
     And twitch your little flounder just like that
     Yehhhh... Just like they do

     In all the smut rags I pretend to hate so much
     Bite down real hard
     I own you... Look humiliated, try to cry
     I despise you so much I hate myself
     Tastes almost as good
     As one of them green bubblegum cigars
     Yeh! Hellfudge
     There's a whole LOTTA Shakin' goin' on in here
     But don't tell my cousin, OK?
     Great Balls 'o' Fire!

Time To Melt

     Lay me down on a griddle of sweat
     Lay me down, it's been a long day
     Time to unwind, time to relax
     Let the tension flow away

     My body's weary and full of holes
     Hollow jets in my fingers and my toes
     Too tired to masturbate
     No sound in the dark as I float in outer space

     Touch down on an astroturf plain
     Peewee golf balls roll by my face
     Golf tees hammered through my feet and my hands
     Nailed as an example again

     Tied down with fishing line
     Lilliputian sacrifice
     Fireworks go off, I hear the cheers
     Smell the hot dogs
     Smell the mustard and the beer

     Sharp needles pierce my flesh
     Hypodermics press down and inject
     20 gallons of Canfield's diet Fudge Soda
     Effervescent bubbling chocolate blood

     Micron by micron my flesh starts to melt
     All that's left is brain and bones
     Hot beams on the cool wet sand
     Bury me- with the help of the wind and the waves

     Submerged in the cool soil
     Earthworms crawl in and crawl out
     Further down is the underground aquifer cave
     The bats and blindfish
     Are all my friends

     Soil hardens and it starts to crack
     The lake is dry as desert air
     Sidewinders crawl through my eye sockets
     Their soft white underbelly feels like love

     Blowing tumbleweeds stick to my ribs
     Night falls, the sky is red
     Captain Beefheart flies up on gargoyle wings
     Talons reach down to take me back again

     Reborn on a bed of white
     Incubator filters out the light
     A thousand breasts massage my face
     But Life is calling to take me away
     ("Open up! We have a warrant!")
     Learn to walk another day
     Learn to walk another day
     Ohm, ohm, ohm, ohm, etc.


Page Last Edited on 2004-10-31 21:51:50 UTC CST (41490)